[Accurate]

Hi peeps,

I've put together an A4 advert which is going into a magazine. Can you give me your comments and crits? Ignore the actual content as it is mainly filler text etc.

Magazine Advert


Cheers

[cocknose]

it has potential... but a little too Over Designed for my liking...
is there any need for that many transparencies?
the stroke on the headline text is too much...
too many textures...
headers on the body text shouldn't be the same as the title font
i like what you are doin with the kid but as there is so much goin on it seems confusin
i would also have a look at your total text size variants, hierachy is messed up..
maybe just have the background brown with the buildings, kid and titletext effect area....then maybe the tear effect will look like it tearing!!!...
Not bad.... just needs more work!

[Accurate]

Thanks for the comments. I've made a few alterations, but with a time cap I havn't been able to make the amount I would of liked, such as your comment on the header text.

Anyhow, here is the finished article - HERE

[briljant oranje]

Far too much copy for an ad.

You need to sub the copy and get it down to more than half of whats there at the moment. The concept is decent and the art direction has potential though.

[pedge]

I preferred the first (copy-wise) since its a lot lighter. The second version is too heavy - the advert should make the main points and give the reader details on where to find out more; as it is at the moment some readers would probably skim through it missing the main points and/or get bored with it and read something else instead.

[pedge]

P.S. please don't take this the wrong way but the grammer & punctuation is not so good, i.e...

"There will also be a fantastic opportunity for youths to complete and Educational coaching course open for young people and adults, who want to become coaches."

[Accurate]

Cheers the comments peeps. They'll be taken on board for the next jobby. Unfortunately I found out it was to be an actual a4 page article and had to stick to a 3 column rule to match the rest of the magazine.

[Accurate]

Originally Posted by pedge

P.S. please don't take this the wrong way but the grammer & punctuation is not so good, i.e...

"There will also be a fantastic opportunity for youths to complete and Educational coaching course open for young people and adults, who want to become coaches."

Noted, I'm going to put in a message for a new copy of text to be sent out.

[jg9]

Like the concept, but it looks very washed out due to the multiple layers IMO.

[stylin328]

Little too much copy but it works for me.nice work